So what have I learned?

There are only a few more days left in 2011, and I think I've learned a lot this year. As dark as it all started out, I think I've come out in a lighter place. (I hope.)


I learned that a divorce isn't the end of the world. Though "T" and I began the year in divorce court, we are, in some ways, closer than ever. Without the threat of losing the "institution" of our marriage, we learned to be honest with each other. I also learned not to take every thing he said that I didn't like so hard. We still hang out sometimes, and talk every few days on the phone. I don't feel so lonely, and because he and I still communicate, I don't feel quite so much like I've lost something. 


I learned that if work isn't paying all the bills, find other ways... The beginning of the year was me working in a hellish office job, phones ringing non-stop, computers crashing, and no job stability. Because of poorly-explained work policies, I spent half my time believing I was being fired, and the other half being sent home early with about twenty or thirty co-workers, due to lack of business. AND I was getting divorced. I had the time on my hands, so I began to look into other ways to make the ends meet. One was learning effective use of grocery coupons; another was finding freebies online. The big payoff: a nearly free Christmas, with plenty of presents for everyone! The bills stayed paid, even when I took a lower-paying job in the spring. I'm spending less money, and I feel better about it.


...but keep a wary eye on "too good to be true" offers. I figured out that freebies that required a credit card number, or coupons for items that are more expensive than they're worth, even with a coupon, are best left alone.


I'm happier being single than I thought I would be. I figured this out whenever my co-workers began to try and fix me up. It ended up being a waste of time, with unaware suitors being led into awkward situations---and I wouldn't have chosen them, anyway! Being single, I figured out how to get back to knowing what I like, and what makes me happy. (It's cheaper, too...)


I miss cartoons. The first thing I noticed whenever "T" moved out was that I suddenly wasn't watching cartoons. I used to complain about this a lot, but when I finally had control of the remote, I couldn't figure out what to watch. Ironically, I still don't watch cartoons, though. I'd rather "T" still had the remote. I make up for this by letting the kids come in a watch them in my room. Though it's still not "T" or his selections, it makes me feel a little better.


I'm optimistic about a future romance, but I'm not in a hurry. The co-workers trying to fix me up gave me the first indications about not needing someone right away. In my youth, I felt like such a loser if I didn't have boyfriend, and got my head and heart messed with a lot. Now, I just want to have it happen organically. Just not right away.


My kids are almost grown. My oldest son is now seventeen. My middle son will be fifteen at the end of January. My "baby" is now a "tween", almost eleven. I have a limited time left with them, and I want to see them finish growing up and getting a start in their adult lives. I won't get these years back, so I have to get what I can with them, while it lasts.


My parents are getting older. My dad just turned sixty. My mom is going to be fifty-eight in January. I don't know how much longer I have with either of them, and I'm not sure how I feel about that. I almost lost my mom during "Summer of Hell '10", thanks to a spinal infection, and yet the only thing keeping me from falling apart was being angry at "T" for his indiscretion. Gotta get what I can there, too.


So, this is what I've learned. Hopefully, I'll keep learning in 2012.